Sacrifices Military Wives {& girlfriends} Must Make

I’m about to get pretty personal up here today (but promise to end it on a light note!).

I’ve had a lot on my mind & it’s starting to take a toll on my relationship with Tyler. Yet most of the issues I have are because of our relationship. 

Before we started dating two years ago we discussed how difficult the years would be when I graduated and he had 2 years of college left. Here we are halfway through that time and it is more difficult than we imagined. It feels like we’re forcing it… but we both firmly believe that it’s difficult because of the unhappiness I am dealing with in my life.

As if what I’m dealing with individually isn’t enough strain on our relationship, tack on him most likely going Active Duty (we should find out for certain November 11th) and me trying to figure out what to do from there. Do I move with him? Only if we’re engaged…but I don’t want him to propose just to keep our relationship going if he’s NOT READY. Do we do long-distance for an undetermined amount of time? I don’t think I’m cut out for that. When do I get to do what I want to do? Who knows. I can’t even apply for schools wherever his first assignment is because that can change two weeks before he is supposed to report. 

I {we} am {are} living in limbo. 

Since Tyler and I are both in the military, most of our friends are as well. Many of my friends are already married and I’ve been seeking their guidance and advice in this trying time. What I’ve come to learn is that my career (in what I hope to be nursing) will always be on the back burner as long as Tyler is in the military and we are together. He can’t just tell the Army “no that PCS and duty station isn’t going to work right now”. Which means that I have to decide, and decide soon, if this truly is the lifestyle I’m ready for. Of course every part of me wants this to work, otherwise I wouldn’t give it so much time & effort. But I’m being faced with some big questions: Am I ready to move every 3-4 years? That means finding a new job AND a new National Guard unit until May 20, 2018 comes around where I can get out. Not a walk in the park…

We have been having such a hard time lately because I’m in this ‘transition’ phase. I’m unhappy with my job, my friends are scattered all over the country/world, Tyler is in college…& I have no ability of knowing when I am able to go back to school let alone where. It is draining. We are going to try our hardest to make things work, I just have to accept AND BE OKAY with my career being second to his. It’s difficult for him too as he doesn’t want to be the reason to be holding me back. 

But it is one of the many sacrifices that military girlfriends/wives have to make. No one said it’d be easy but I wasn’t prepared for it to be this difficult either. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. 

Sorry this is all over the place but needed to get it off my chest.  

On a lighter note: this sounds like it was written by yours truly. Of course I can’t take credit but if you’ve experience the ‘Quarter Life Crisis‘ then you relate to this to a tee. 


4 thoughts on “Sacrifices Military Wives {& girlfriends} Must Make

  1. Liz

    I don’t know what your job in the military is now, but it should be easy to find jobs in nursing at all his duty stations. There should be some sort of government medical facility anywhere you go, and it’s also fairly easy to get jobs in nursing after you have your first one. 3-4 years is a decent amount of time to work for any hospital, and it gives you a chance to expand into other roles when you get hired on to new hospitals. I did hate balancing my drill weekends with nursing school and my boyfriend wasn’t very understanding of how difficult nursing school was. I would drive 6 hours to drill after clinical on Fridays, wake up super early on Saturday, get home super late on Sunday, and wake up 3-4 hours later for clinical again. I do believe the transition period from college/work is when a lot of relationships fail because your lives go in other directions. I think once your boyfriend is set in his career, it’ll be easier, but I guess you need to decide how long you’re happy putting your plans on the side.

    1. kcriemer Post author

      Hi Liz! Thanks for all the input. It has been difficult but I think we’re working through it. Right now I’m the S1 for my unit so just doing alot of admin work which is obviously incredibly transferrable. I’ve realized that nursing school will always be there for me (I don’t even have the pre-reqs done yet..) so it’s just a matter of time. I hope to knock out the pre-reqs this coming summer and hopefully get into an accelerated program wherever his first duty station is! 🙂


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