I hate to bring negativity to the blog but lately these days I’m being sidelined left & right. So bear with me.
This week has been crap since Tuesday. For starters–my grandpa has Alzheimer’s and recently has taken a turn for the worse. He thinks his wife is his mom, is getting violent & acting out. The thing we have been dreading the most is here–it’s time to put him into permanent placement.
This breaks my heart. His physical health is good, not great, but heck he is 78 after all! I think everyone can agree with me that it’s incredibly poor timing as well. Putting your loved one into a home during the holidays is never good. But in the end it is best for everybody involved. Alzheimer’s is such an ugly and heartbreaking disease.
Yesterday Tyler got some really good news–he was selected for Active Duty and got the branch (Military Police) that he really wanted. Immediately he & I felt very relieved. I am so happy for him-it’s exactly what he wanted and he is so deserving of it.
Then the doubt, uncertainty, stress & jealousy set in. Four things that are not good in a relationship. Yes we may have one answer now, but in the scheme of things this doesn’t answer anything. I was certain he would get Active Duty so while I’m so happy–I have zero relief. We still don’t know when he will go, where he will be going, if I’ll be going with him (that’s up to him…), what state I’ll transfer for National Guard to, what in the WORLD I’ll do for a new job, etc. The list goes on.
And I will continue to be stuck where I am. Unsure of what I want to do in the future. Unsure of where I’ll go. Heck–don’t even know if I’ll be with him this time next year because of the Army. He could go to germany… and all this will remain unanswered until the SPRING (and even then his orders could change at any time).
It brings even more stress in my life. I’m not sure what to do or think. I know I need to just be happy for him, which I am, and I need to have faith that what’s meant to happen will happen. But that’s where I’m struggling.
Many people tell me that I’m too young to sit around and wait, and at times I do agree fully with them. But when you’ve invested 2 years into a wonderful relationship and not only want, but see a future with this person, you’d probably make some scarifices too. That’s not to say it’s easy whatsoever.
I just desperately wish there was an end in sight and some comforting answers.
Sorry for all the negativity–it’s just where I’m at right now.
Any advice for military relationships? Anyone else experiencing the quarter life crisis?