Beyond the Surface

My posts have reflected my change in attitude and positive shift in happiness lately. I appreciate every heart-felt comment I’ve received about how inspiring it is that I’m adjusting so well–ya’ll mean more than you know & have helped me tremendously through all this. 

Image

It may appear on the surface that this has all been a really easy adjustment for me. Within a couple months I went from planning on moving across the country (to an unannounced location) with the boyfriend sometime in 2014 to being single, in a city with very few friends left. How’s that for a 180?! 

Image

While it has been easier than I anticipated, it has not been as easy as I let on. What I have neglected to mention is what it has taken for me to get to where I am now. The past month has included a LOT of soul-searching & getting lost in my own {sometimes very deep} thoughts. 

I was so reliant and dependent on my relationship that I lost sight of the little things that make me, me. The passions I once had were lacking, I let other relationships with my friends fall to the back burner, I had just become so complacent in my day-to-day life. Recently I have honed in on things that have helped me regain my strength as an individual:

Devotionals. I’m working through Joyce Meyer’s “Confident Woman” devotional and so many of the daily devotions have really made me reflect and delve further into my spiritual journey. It’s a perfect devotional for rediscovering and empowering women, it has enabled me to pray and ask for the guidance I’m seeking. I highly recommend it. 

Image

Music. I am one of those people who plays music 24/7. My music choices have really shifted lately and am discovering so many artists and songs that I can relate to. Some leave me in tears, others make me thankful that I am where I am right now. It’s better going through a breakup now than years from now when I’m married & children are involved. 

[[I think I’ve listened to that song over 100 times in past week]]

Friends. I mentioned a earlier this week how I had a lot of social engagements last week. It has been so nice being able to say ‘yes’ to getting dinner/drinks with old friends. So many people, especially myself, let their friendships fall to the wayside when they get into serious relationships. I have promised myself that whenever I date seriously again that my friends and passions will remain centered. Like all things in life, it’s about balance and moderation. 

Image

Health & Fitness. I have always been real active and enjoyed working out in some capacity. But since I have all this me time now I’ve been using it to FOCUS on my workouts. I make them count, not just get them done and rush to go hang out with the then-boyfriend. I take the time to take hot Epsom salt baths, foam roll & STRETCH. I do meal prep and eat healthy 85% of the time. I no longer justify eating that Pizza Hut pizza on the weekends just because it’s “date night”. NO more excuses. 

Those are just a handful of things that have helped me re-gain my focus and continually move onward. Of course the occasional glass bottle of red wine has helped too 😉 

But in all seriousness. Yes, I still cry {although nothing like I thought I would!}

I still wonder “what if” and probably will for a while. 

I still have not been able to sleep on ‘the other side of the bed’.

Tomorrow would have been two years–it will be a tough day for me. But I need to remember all the lessons that I have learned through the relationship and the breakup. After all, that’s what primes us for THE relationship someday. It is all worth it in the end. 

Image

{Sorry for the somberness of this post. I just want to share my experiences and hope that someday they may help someone who has their world turned upside down on them as well}

Image

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “Beyond the Surface

  1. Kayan Wong

    Sorry to hear about your breakup. From your blog post though it seems like you’re seeing it positively or as positive as possible. Breaking up hurts, but not like a punch in the face, it hurts in that sweet suffering kind of hurt that affirms. Hmm what the heck did I just write there? What I’m trying to say that sometimes it feels bad and feels good at the same time. Or at least that’s been my experience and I’ve broken up a couple of times. This last time it hurt but my mind was already objectifying it and saying “you’ve been through this before, it’s crap but another person will come along, real soon, it’s never failed before, and you’re hurting because you really thought this was going to be perfect and now you have to put a whole lot of effort into building a new relationship and it’s darn tiring”. But sometimes the depression feels good too, and I don’t know know why. Maybe because it’s when you just let go. This was the thought going through my head that last time as I was sitting on the bus, as it drove away from her house. Anyhoo…now I’m single and I love it and I don’t feel pressure to start a relationship. If it happens, great, if not, well I’m going to be my own best friend. Sorry to ramble, and hope everything works out.

    Reply
  2. carrie

    cheers to you my girl. that more like a 360 instead of a 180. you have more grace than you even know. and my devotionals are easily the best and most wonderful part of day. always always always. stay tough.

    Reply
  3. Ally @thezebrarunner

    You are very inspirational. I love how you include your faith in this post! Stay Tough! You got this girl!

    Reply
  4. Jenna

    So sorry to hear about your breakup, but I’ve read your last few posts and I must say that your positivity moving forward is so inspiring! You’re stronger than you know! 🙂

    Reply
  5. Samantha

    Wow, I am so glad I stumbled upon this post from when you commented on mine! I recently just ended a four year relationship. Yesterday was one month since it happened; honestly the roughest month of my life thus far. And I couldn’t agree more with all of this post. I’m learning to focus more on myself, on my workouts, on the friends I tended to ignore in opt to hang out with the bf, and just on learning how to be me as an individual. I obviously don’t know your whole story, but even though mine was semi-mutual with more coming from him, it still didn’t make it easier. I have good days, I have really great days, I have bad days, then I have days where I literally don’t want to leave my room. And I think it’s probably going to be like that for awhile, I just need to focus on happiness. Feel free to shoot me an email if you wanna chat (I know, awkward I literally just came across your blog, but it might help both of us). Stay strong and remember that everything happens for a reason.

    Reply
  6. Britta

    I’m so sorry to hear about your break-up. It’s such a challenging thing sometimes. To be perfectly honest, I have been there. Everything that you mentioned is so incredibly true. I was in a 4 year relationship and because I was young and in love, when we broke up, I didn’t know who I was because I defined myself through him. I didn’t know how to be “me” let alone be okay with simply being alone. I missed him for all the wrong reasons, too. I was afraid to be alone and that I would never be able to find someone who could love me again. <— silly, silly, thoughts!

    Regardless though, it takes time. Allow yourself to have that time, embrace that time even, and know that the best is yet to come (seriously). It's been over 2 years now, and looking back I am so thankful that we broke up (at the time if was horrific). It gave me the ability to find myself, figure out what I value, what I want, what qualities I look for in others, what qualities I hope to improve in myself so I can love the next better and whole-heartedly, where my integrity lies and what I want my life to be like. Many people don't know what it's like to be alone and I think its so empowering for women especially to be "okay" with being alone for a while. Someone else will come along and will love you exactly the way that you need them to and vice versa. Hang in there! Here for ya via email or whatever if you need to chat it out! ….and I've written a novel, sorry!

    Reply
  7. deangump

    You got this! Break-ups suck especially ones where you’ve been with the person for such a long time. But you’re right, you can learn things from it and move on. I’m glad you are re-finding the things that made you, you. And I hope that your attitude and feelings keep going up! It sounds like you are doing well 🙂

    Reply
  8. Brittany

    I LOVE this post. You did EXACTLY what I did when I first went through my recent break up. It sucked, and was painful..but I got lost in Joyce Meyer books, motivational tapes, music, work, friends..anything. It’s been 9 months and I still have moments where I feel sad, or wonder, but in the end I know this is where I am supposed to be..and that ALWAYS helps. You’re an inspiration, and keep going!! It IS possible to be positive despite having chaos in our minds.

    Reply
  9. Sarah @ Sweet Miles

    Bless your heart! You are so strong, and powerful, and will get through this with flying colors! I couldn’t believe what you’ve gone through, and it sounds like you’ve got a really good head on your shoulders! Joyce Meyer is fabulous 🙂 Stay strong, girl!

    Reply
  10. jessielovestorun

    My heart breaks for you. Although we’ve never met, and I’ve only read blog your blog a few times, I wish i could just give you a hug. You may be asking why this break up occured, but I promise you – God has a reason…. even if we don’t see it. Never loose hope my dear & always, ALWAYS smile.. because you never know who may be watching ❤

    Reply
  11. Lauren @ ihadabiglunch

    So sorry to hear about your breakup. I can’t imagine the pain it must have brought you to have all your plans crushed in an instant. It’s good that you’re writing about it…that’s so healthy! And it seems like you’re working on getting through it in a healthy way. Props to you! I love that song and play it all the time when I’m going through something. You should listen to the Live version. Google it–it’s even more beautiful!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s