Heavy Numbers

Get ready, this post is one of those that no one really likes to talk about.  

It’s no secret that I’m not a thin or slender person-I never have been and probably never will be. In fact, I’m rather stocky by today’s standards. As much as I tell myself that it’s not about the number on the scale, your mind can only take so much. When that three digit number goes up every time I step on the scale, when I buy size 12/14 jeans… I can’t ignore those n\umbers as hard as I try. Then to add fuel to the fire, the Army consistently tells me I’m borderline ‘obese’ based off my height & weight and BMI (I’m 5’7″ and 182 pounds-I wish I was kidding). It gets exhausting after awhile.


Two days ago I went in to see my doctor and get a ton of lab work done. Since I have returned from my army training mid-September I have been putting on weight; 13 pounds to be exact. That amount may not sound like a lot of weight gain to you. But let me further explain: 

I work out HARD 5-6 times a week, 4 of those being twice a day. I eat healthy 80% of the time. {Yes, I could eat better. We all could. But that’s not really LIVING either-balance y’all} 

But regardless, I should not be gaining weight with all that work I’m putting in. Before you say ‘it’s just muscle’… please don’t. If it were just muscle my clothes would be fitting better…they’re not. I would be hitting new PR’s at Crossfit and the gym… I’m not. 

In addition to packing on the pounds like it’s my job, I am also beyond exhausted. Last night I got 10 hours of solid, out-cold sleep, yet when my alarm went off I felt like I hadn’t slept at all. I’ve been driving into work while in a complete haze because I am downright wiped out; talk about dangerous. Additionally, I’m bruising incredibly easily. The weight gain, exhaustion & bruising all were pointing towards thyroid or anemia issues. My mom has hypothyroidism so it seemed pretty logical to me…


{got that dandy from lifting 5 chairs…}

I was truly hoping that was the case… I oddly have been hoping for abnormal blood work. I don’t want anything to be wrong with me, but I also want and deserve answers too. But from the looks of it, all my blood work has come back in the “normal” range. So what the fuq gives?! 

I’m not trying to have a ‘poor me pity party‘ but damn, when can I catch a break? I don’t spend hours in the gym because I feel obligated to-truth is I love it. It’s my favorite time of the day and is cathartic. But that’s not to say I don’t want to not enjoy reaping the benefits of all my hard work, dedication, and sacrifices I make in doing so.


While my blood work has come back ‘normal’ it’s on the low side for the TSH levels… this just means I need to talk to my doc more–I’m not giving up! I’m hoping they’ll put me on a trial for medication for hypothyroidism to see if that’s it. Otherwise I need to fully embrace the body that I have… and ignore that damn number. It doesn’t measure self-worth, compassion, strength… it’s just a silly number. {{If I could only get myself to completely believe that!}}




9 thoughts on “Heavy Numbers

  1. laurenwayjurlee

    I think you look great! But I do very much identify with the frustration you are experiencing. I’m in the same boat you are; I work out very regularly, eat relatively clean, and I’m 5’5″ and 175 pounds. I get told that I’m obese based on BMI. I so often feel that the number on the scale does not reflect how I feel and what my body can accomplish; and I wish that I could just ignore it and downplay its significance.

    I hope you get an answer to whatever might be causing your weight gain, exhaustion and bruising! I hope that the doctors have wisdom to look into this further even though your numbers came back fairly ‘normal’.

  2. Claire

    You already know how I feel about this, but I truly think there is something behind all of this. As hard as it is to do so, try to keep the patience until the right doctor comes along that can figure it out. It’s so hard NOT to get discouraged, but you have tons of people around you to support you and help when you need us. Someone will be able to figure it out! ❤

  3. Britta

    Oh that’s so incredibly frustrating. I have had not the same, but other medical issues in the past and blood tests came back normal – everything was “normal” according to my MD. But let me tell ya, based on my symptoms.. something was very very wrong. So then I went to see a naturopath and welp, she figured it out! Might be something that you could look into as well?! I really hope someone figures it out! ❤

    Aside from that, I think you have a rocking bod. I really do. Don't let numbers have all the control of how you feel..throw all that jazz out the window. I honestly haven't weighed myself in years, and its oh so liberating.

  4. christyruns

    Just lookiing at your picture, I think you look great, all your hard work at the gym is paying off. Hope you get figured out whatever is going on and causing you to gain weight. I kind of hate the scale.

  5. Brittany

    I was having similar problems-I eat ridiculously well, and workout ALL the time. When it came down to it though, I was just eating a bit too much. I thought I earned more snacks, but no. Just an idea, but maybe a closer look at how much you’re eating..not necessarily what you’re eating.

  6. Laura @losingrace

    You are fabulous and that number does NOT define you. You are an incredible person and I hope that you can figure this out soon. My mom has thyroid issues and I know it caused weight issues with her for a while, so i hope your doctor looks into that more. I think you look fabulous, girl you look strong! Can I also say I am jealous… you are 5’7?!?!?! This 5’3 girl has some envy right now!

  7. carrie

    this is why i hate BMI and all that bologna. i think it can give some truth. but if i saw you on the street i would in no way think you look even close to “obese”. like that is just trash, and the perfect example of how numbers don’t tell the whole story. that being said i hope you find out what’s got you stuck in the same place. you really do work hard and regardless of the number on the scale i bet it would be nice to see some of the pay off in the mirror and in the fit of your clothes. chin up tho girl, you’re awesome.

  8. Jade

    I hear you! Many time in my past, I honestly would swear that my thyroid has to be having issues. There would be no way that I would do all this work, try to be as healthy within moderation as I would and still have a) no budge to the scale or b) gain more weight. I’m in a different place in my life right now, and I know you’ll be getting tips up the wazoo, but do you think your metabolism is on the sluggish side like you are doing a lot of activity and maybe not fuelling correctly? For myself, I know back then I was definitely under eating for my activity level and so no wonder the weight was not budging as I was technically in starvation mode.


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